(loud whistle blows here)
all chefs on deck, kitchen queen alert!
mama, you are so at home on the range
you ask for microwave safe serving bowls,
couldya brown us up some sticky rolls too?
you tell us these cookie sheets have seen some battle
then something about a chafing dish.. sorry, wasn't listening..
i was counting little cattle on yr girlfriend's happy trails skirt
and didn't i get cut down to size
ropin' strays between her thighs
o my she surprised us deboning that turkey all by herself
i didn't even offer to help out, no
i was still checking my polyester self out in the mirror
groovin' to my smooth moves doin'
who's makin' love to your old lady
i was checking out yr hands, hoping to scope
some shred of heart or giblet underneath yr fingernails
but they had been licked right clean
so hey best bosom heavy buddies
could we spend the o holy night together
the stars are brightly shining
under this feels like summer bummer weather
o could we be freewheeling xmas pageant scene stealers
and do you think the manger & both camels
will stack in the back of yr little black hatchback
and does it seem to you as if this xmas was directed
and executive produced by mr john waters himself
and that's when she asks me
so which one of us was edith massey?
and hey, where was the eating dog shit part??
oh.. so that's why yr girlfriend was out sweepin' up the carport
now in the meadow we can build a snowman
and pretend that he is parson brown
he'll say are you married, we'll say no man
and don't that just make us the talk of this
©2000 Robt O'Sullivan Schleith, all rights reserved.